Dear Dod

I found dis dawg on da internets at da house, an an an he asked if he could come life wiff us, an an an i toll him he cooould, but i haff to aks my dooood, an an an he's rill bid!!

lubb,

jatsel

lub we has it.

I love how you love me even thought I have a shopping problem.

Let's get hitched.

MySpace Countdowns

It says I'm supposed to be the strongest in the relationship,

& I've decided I can do it.

I can be your rock, I promise you at least that much.

When you do leave though, you have to promise me one thing...

That promise being:

If you ever want to quit, if you miss me too much, if you're just not happy,

if you just can't cope, just don't do it. This is your new life, you're going in the

best direction for yourself. Just know that I'm so excited for you, you have

no idea.

------anyways*------

Why is it that I always find myself second guessing myself because I'm afraid?

I think I'm just afraid, period.

Talking about the future doesn't scare me, not one bit.

Talking about how we're going to get there does.

Don't get me wrong I'd much rather get hitched, run away, and be with you forever...

BUT then there's the stupid girl in me...

-What about my big fancy wedding?

-Are we really ready?

-Can you really tolerate me?

-Will it be harder than we think?

-Are we going to be okay?

-What about the time apart, the distance?

-Will you miss me as much as I miss you?

-...et cetera...

All of this runs through my mind, then I talk to you about it, and I feel better.

Then I go to bed, and wake up, and the same cycle starts.

I feel like it won't end until we're settled.

all fear aside i hope this works out.

i'm afraid for you, because i know this is what you really want.

i just hope you know what to do.

maybe God isn't real.

maybe prayer is stupid.

maybe bending a knee is pointless.

but i know it couldn't hurt anything.

i think if you did you might see a difference.

even if it's just a coincidence.

i love you is all.

i want what's best for you.

but if you don't have an open mind to at least a little change,

nothing is going to change.

that's what Obama's for, right?

i love you.

and if it dosn't work out, i'm here to help you find out how

to get where you want to go/be/get.

just don't give up, it's the worst thing you could do to and for yourself.

please keep trying.

too much to think about

life's changing, not exactly sure how i feel about it.

ting ting's concert april 2.

3 year anniversary april 3.

nathan's birthday may 5.

brittney's wedding may 9.

plastic surgeries may 11.

date you leave...?

currently anticipating the hardest day of my life.

i'm trying to control my insane emotions, it's just

not as easy as i thought it would be.

i smile because i want to be strong for you, because

i know it's hard for you too, but when the time comes

when you need me to smile the most, i just don't know

if i'll be able to do it.

i miss you already and i'm nearly dead inside thinking

about it all. i hope you love me like i love you, so we

both know that this will really work out.

already crying.

i'm fucking pathetic, i know.